Bogwitch

me: Dear eHarmony, please stop sending me emails titled “Signs You’re Settling for Second Best.”

C: Oh, dear. They should just retitle that “we’re trying to convince you to use our services, whether or not you need them”

me: Exactly.

C: You should use Reformed Singles. A girl a I know was married and knocked up within six months. YOU TOO COULD BE LIVING THE DREAM.

me: HAHAHAHA

C: Seriously, I don’t know why you’re trying to hamper God in this area of your life. Just let go so he can bring you the one you’ve been waiting for so your life can finally begin FOR REAL.

me: I don’t know why I’m being successful in hampering God…I thought that was against our doctrine…

C: Don’t throw all your book-learning at me. That’s not an attractive quality in a woman. DON’T YOU WANT TO CATCH A MAN?

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Little House on the Prison Farm: Sometimes my friends give me relationship advice. 

Bahahahaha!